Lucy in the sky with cell phones

It was bound to happen — in-flight internet access. As with a lot of change, this latest word about still more connectivity is stirring up a lot of worry. As reported in a NYT piece detailing how American Airlines has partnered with Aircell to offer Gogo — in-air online service — it’s the VoIP access, not website access, that is inspiring anticipatory anxiety.

Currently, VoIP is blocked so services like Skype are unavailable. But American and Aircell (and, okay, most of the rest of us) know it’s only a matter of time until techies crack their way into VoIP access before it’s officially allowed. And it will be allowed, I don’t care how loudly people protest that phone conversations should never be allowed in-flight.

New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman recently wrote that listening to folks at the Republican National Convention chanting, “Drill baby drill,” was akin to the (imagined) time in history, as the Internet was starting to take hold, when Luddites might have chanted “Typewriters, baby, typewriters!”

Or how about this — remember when you could smoke on airplanes? And how the smoking section was “separated” from the non-smoking section by… what? Nothing. Smokers grumbled when the practice was banned. Then they adapted, like it or not.

So, too, will the cell-phones-on-airplanes opponents adapt. It might not be easy. As reported in the Times story:

“For years, airlines and many of their passengers have expressed concern about the inevitability of in-flight cellphone capability, now that flight safety issues like the potential for interference with avionics communications at cruising altitude are resolved. But with little advance notice, the Aircell broadband service has brought the camel’s nose into the tent. And while there are raging controversies about cellphone use on ground-based public transportation like trains and buses, imagine how much more intense the concern becomes in an airplane cabin, where passengers are confined, often for long hours, in close proximity, unable to flee. Worried about the in-flight equivalent of road rage, airlines have been less than enthusiastic about any form of voice-call capability.”

They have reason to worry. People are already pissed off about flying. With fuel prices soaring, airlines are packing flights and charging for everything from checking luggage to pillows the size of a maxi-pad. They are also sending out smaller crews, reducing the level of service even more. As a result, passengers and crews are growing increasingly testy. Can you blame airlines and the passengers for being wary of phones on planes?

But my question is — what are they so afraid of? That everyone is going to start Skyping at once? That’s not going to happen. People are free to talk to each other on planes all they want but do they? We all know the archetypal blabbermouth that makes flights hell for nearby passengers. But really, think of the last flight you were on. How many blabbermouths were there who directly affected you?

And, come to think of it, phones have already been allowed on planes. Remember those clunky back-of-the-seat plastic corded rectangles you could pop out and, for an exorbitant fee, use to call someone just to say, “You’ll never believe it! I’m calling from the plane!” Think back — how many flights were you on that were ruined by those calls?

There is simply an inevitability to increasing connectivity. The argument that businesspeople — commonly believed to be the ones who would most likely voice on planes — are “smarter” and will be “more courteous” is bullshit. There will certainly be rude phone users, some businesspeople, some not.

So how about instead of a preemptive ban, airlines start thinking now about solutions? Is a phone booth-type area that can only hold two passengers at a time too outlandish? Not really — passengers have to wait in line for teensy restrooms, so why not let them wait to talk? Or maybe just create some clearly stated rules around usage? Not everyone will follow the rules, but at least the crew will have something to refer to when they tell a loudmouth it’s time to shut up.

Some babies scream on planes. Some passengers get drunk and barf on themselves. Neither babies nor little bourbon bottles are banned as a result. Passengers are dealt with on a case-by-case basis, as they should be. Attempts to legislate common sense always fail.

You know what I’m betting? I’m betting that when Internet accessibility and cell phones both become just another every-flight option the majority of folks who insist on using them will opt to text and instant message. Most fliers who opt to use voice will be brief and reasonable. And a whole lot of other passengers, who currently look to flying time as one of those special times when you can be unavailable to the rest of the world will keep on pretending that’s the case.

I know many of you fly a lot, and wouldn’t dream of leaving home without your laptop. How likely are you to want to voice in flight?